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Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Bloom & Grow

Since March, my husband has not been home longer than two weeks at a time. He's been gone, a lot, and we're all tired of it. Just exhausted, in every way. I feel myself slipping, losing the patience & stamina that I had when we first began this routine.

We're almost finished, praise Jesus, at least for a little while.

One of the things no one ever tells you when your husband decides to join the military is just how sick of it all you will get. No one tells you that you will cry because you're sick to death of doing all the chores. No one tells you that you'll get sick of sleeping by yourself or disciplining your kids or changing diapers or cooking or grocery shopping or paying bills or being the sole parent. No one tells you that you would rather gouge out your eyeballs than wash another dish or fold another piece of laundry. No one tells you that you will get sick of missing your best friend, or of seeing families together and feeling a pang of envy. No one told me.

For 6.5 years this has been our lives. Constant training trips, deployments, 12+ hour workdays for my husband. I would be lying if I told you that it's easy and fun and I love it. I would also be lying if I told you that I am always happy and joyful and patient and sweet with my kids.

I'm not.

One of the hardest things for me has been to accept graciously that this is where God has placed me, to serve with a thankful heart. I tend to look ahead to a life that is "better," "easier," "calmer." I like to plan and to know what's coming next. In my mind, I've already checked us out of the Navy. We're living somewhere green and spacious, in a home that we will never have to leave, with my husband who will also never have to leave. But only in my mind...

I'm trying. I'm trying to submit to this part of God's plan for my life and our family. I'd be lying if I said I'm not ready for something else.

Lord, help me to rest where you have  me. Help me to bloom & grow, here.

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