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Monday, April 14, 2014

here we go again!

we are gearing up for justin to leave for about 6-8 weeks. training trip. always training.

i have learned a TON since we first began this journey four years ago, but one thing i've learned is this: no matter how many times you go through something and no matter how much you learn from it, the heart will do its best to protect itself from pain. for me that means putting up walls; building distance between justin and myself; telling myself that i'm ready for him to leave. it's been a pretty amazing psychology lesson for me, actually.

the last week i've felt myself doing just that. and i think it's ok. i think the key is communication. yep. we all know how much our husbands love that word. it's ok for me to feel sad and frustrated that my husband is constantly being ripped from our home. that's normal. the important part is that i tell him how i'm feeling; that i explain to him that i'm not being short tempered or distant because i'm sick of him but simply because that's my heart's defense mechanism. that it's how i try to prevent myself from feeling his absence too deeply. that it's how i make his leaving a little bit easier on myself.

and so here we go again. training trips and work ups, oh my! i can hardly believe we are starting this whole process over again. Lord, please help me. how many times have i muttered that prayer over the last four years?! too many to count. sometimes those are the only words i can utter without falling apart.

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