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Sunday, November 24, 2013

deployment: decompression phase

my husband will be home soon. it doesn't feel real yet. of course i am excited, but it feels like a far off excited. like a maybe someday excited. it doesn't feel real.

i feel like i should take this time, the last days of being on my own, to absorb it. i feel like i need to sit still and take it all in...all that i've been through; all i've done; all i've felt. a lot happens in six months. i mean, the last six months i:

ran a marathon
flew across the country with two kids on my own...twice
came home to a flooded apartment
moved into a new apartment, on my own
did everything...on my own

looking back, it seems like it has gone quickly; i would not have said that a month ago. i feel accomplished, strong, and capable. i've been stretched and thrown completely out of my comfort zone...and i survived it. i did it. but also, i feel tired. weary. i feel like a wilty plant in need of some tlc.

when you're in the midst of a struggle, you can't sit down and just absorb the situation. you can't sit down and stare it in the face and see all that you have to get through. because if you do, the weight of it might crush you. why do you think our military men go through a decompression phase post-deployment? they need time. time to take it all in. that's what i want to do in these last few days and hours before my husband comes home. i want to absorb. i want to always remember these struggles i've faced, god getting me through them, and the sense of victory that i feel now. i don't want to forget.

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