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Thursday, September 5, 2013

deployment; 14 weeks down; letting go and letting God

hi folks! i haven't posted in a while, i apologize. the truth is, i haven't had anything to write about. i've had no inspiration, no nothing. just sadness and struggle, and well, i'm sure you are all tired of hearing about that..

but i will tell you that the last month has been incredibly difficult for me. i've mentioned before that i struggle with depression, i believe it's a chemical/hormonal imbalance and it runs in my family. sometimes it feels like  a monster that is chasing and chasing, and i am constantly running as hard as i can to escape its grasp. it's hard. it's something that i have to fight with all that is in me. i feel like i'm doing all that i can do, honestly. i exercise; i eat well; i pray and spend daily time in my Bible; i spend time with friends; i do yoga; i use essential oils that help with relaxation. those things help, but i still feel like i'm always fighting to stay above water...

and it's amazing, really, how stress and tension and depression affect your body. my energy has been zapped. i've been struggling with headaches, as well as a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders. it got to the point this morning where i didn't know what to do. i was afraid that it would overtake my whole body and just shut me down. so i prayed...

i told God that i needed his help. i told him that i needed him to remove all the weight that was laying so heavy on my shoulders. i asked him to take it all. and then i surrendered, and let him take it. i believe that this is a daily thing i'll have to do. the surrendering, the allowing him to take over...that doesn't come naturally. and so i prayed...and immediately the pain, the headache, the tension in my neck and shoulders...was gone. and i felt relieved and free for a moment. free!

we don't have to carry around our troubles and sorrows. he wants us to hand them to him.

cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.
Psalm 55:22

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