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Sunday, August 11, 2013

inadequate & more than enough

one of the hardest parts about justin being away is being constantly reminded of my inadequacy. no matter what i do, i can't keep the apartment clean. i struggle to get through the day without losing my temper; i tend to take my exhaustion & frustration out on my kids. i'm not creative, very fun, or exciting. i don't come up with great ideas to keep my kids occupied; a good deal of the time they land in front of the tv or ipad (calm down...it's mostly educational). i'm not good at tickling, wrestling, chasing, or pretending. i don't enjoy playing doll house as much as i wish i did. i try to cook healthy but you know what, last night we had chicken noodle soup for dinner...out of a can. and i'm ok with that.

justin brings things to this home & family that i just cannot offer. he is unique, his role in our family is priceless. his presence is different than mine. his laid back attitude, never ending patience, sense of adventure...i possess none of those. things are different when he's away. but that doesn't have to be a bad thing...does it?

i wasn't created to fill the roles of both mom and dad. but god knew when he created me that i would sometimes have to. he surrounded me with people who are supportive and prayerful. he has provided my kids with friends of a lifetime. he planted us in a church where we are loved. and best of all...he provides grace, to cover my kids where i fail them. he provides mercy, to cover me where i fail him.

i don't have to do it all, after all. i simply must do the best i can, always keeping my eyes on him...and he'll take care of the rest. he'll fill in the gap. all of this just hit me today. wow. i don't have to do it all. what a relief.

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