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Wednesday, May 29, 2013

d-day: shock & grief

well i have almost made it through the first day of this darn deployment... today has been the saddest day of my life; driving away from justin today was definitely the hardest thing i have ever had to do.

the last few days have been super emotional for me. lots of crying. i have been really quiet and just lost in my thoughts. we have been blessed with a ton of time together the last few months, which i am incredibly thankful for. justin and i were able to go on one last date last night, to the movies...i am so glad we were able to have some time alone right before he left. i have been sad, but i also have felt all of the prayers that have been going up for us. i have felt more peace and hope than i imagined i would feel.

but still, today was a hard day. justin checked in, then we grabbed some lunch together. after lunch we drove him back over to the plane and that's where we said our goodbyes. we both figured it was better for us to just do it, rather than hang out for twenty minutes in misery. so we held each other tight, cried tears of sadness at having to be separated for so long, whispered "i love you's," justin said goodbye to the girls (i didn't watch...i can never watch their goodbyes), then said "see ya soon." this was the first time ever that avery has cried when saying goodbye to justin. breaks my heart.

when we got home i sat in the car for a minute and let it all out. i think the girls were wondering what was going on...maybe some of our neighbors were too.

for the most part, i feel ok. being in this apartment is hard. i see him everywhere, which is just a constant reminder of his absence. i will be doing every day things then suddenly feel sick to my stomach because i think about him, or i look outside and see the car and remember that he's gone, or i think about being apart from my other half for half a year. i miss him. so much.

mostly i just can't believe this is it. we are going through our first deployment. it doesn't feel real. i have been dreading it and talking about it and praying about it for so long, and here it is. i just can't believe it. i don't want to do it. i just want him to come home, right now.


  1. Committed to praying for you the whole way through. I love you Anna.

  2. thank you so much Brittany!! I will certainly do the same for you when your time comes <3 I love you sweet friend!

  3. I am here for you Anna, praying and thinking of you! Please call me if you need to just let it out. I love you so much!

  4. thank you so much Candice!! I appreciate and love you SO much!!