Wednesday, March 20, 2013


that picture describes me to a t. i am an introvert. i am quiet, shy, and like to keep to myself most of the time. parties, barbecues, and social functions in general kind of stress me out. don't get me wrong, i enjoy going to a party or cookout every now and then. but not every day, not even every weekend. being around so many people, having to 'entertain' others, thinking of things to talk's just not me. it makes me feel tired because it just doesn't come naturally to me. planning the girls' birthdays stresses me to no end. i love to be with friends, but again, not every day. i don't like having a play date scheduled for every day of the week, or having avery in every class i can get my hands on. busyness also stresses me out. i like to take things one day at a time for the most part. see how i feel, then make plans. i know that, especially given justin's career path and the amount of time that he is away, it's important for me to stay connected. if i hole up in the apartment every single day it will only make me, and the kids, feel worse. i'm learning to reach out to people. i'm learning to be more social, in moderation.

being independent doesn't come naturally to me, either. sometimes i think god chose this specific career path for justin just to challenge and stretch me. justin and the girls are my home, my comfort zone. when he is gone, it rocks my world. everything suddenly feels insecure, shaken up, stressful. coronado is also my comfort zone. i know this town, i run its streets every day. venturing out into the city of san diego sort of stresses me out just to think about it. i wish i wasn't this way. san diego has so much to offer, but man is it a stretch for me to go without justin by my side.

meeting new people makes me feel stressed and awkward. i don't like making small talk, i'm no good at it. i have often wished i was funny or witty, but i'm not. i'm never the life of the party. and that's ok with me now. i've come to accept myself the way that i am. god made me this way, gave me this personality. that's not to say that being an introvert doesn't have its flaws...

it is so easy for me to zero in on justin and the girls and our family, our problems and just sort of shut everyone else out. it's selfish and i'm working on it. i'm trying to reach out to others. that, again, is so hard for me..

i have been learning about my personality and i'm glad, because i think avery is a lot like me. her shyness, especially around men, is exactly how i remember being as a child. i'm glad, because i can relate to her. i can gently guide her in a way no one else could.

this world is a beautiful place. i think it's awesome that god has created so many people with so many different personalities. if you're an extrovert, maybe this post will help you better understand those introverts in your life :)

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