Sunday, February 24, 2013

faithful god

i've come to the conclusion that no matter how long justin is gone, 6 days, 6 weeks, or 6 months, it is going to be hard. and sad. of course, i realize there is a huge difference between 6 days and 6 months. but they all stink. they all register on the sucky scale.

and why wouldn't it be hard? he's my husband. he's half of me.

Matthew 19:4-6

"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'  and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ?  So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

when a man and woman marry, they are joined together to become one person, with the same mission and goals. that is not to say that the husband and wife will always agree. because they won't. they are both still sinners after all. but i believe god gives them the same desires, the same drive to reach those goals. i think when you marry god joins your souls.

and so, why wouldn't i miss my husband? he's my best friend in the entire universe. he makes me laugh and understands me, like no one else can. he sees me at my best, he sees me at my worst, and he loves me anyway. when he's not here, something is missing. there's just an emptiness. and that's where god comes in...

i am learning to fill that emptiness with my father. he is to be placed first in my life after all, even above justin and my kids. if i place him first, everything else will follow. if i fill the emptiness that i feel in my husband's absence with tv, magazines, food, alcohol, even friends (which can sometimes be a good thing), i am going to still feel just as empty. if i turn to my god to fill me up, then he will. i will still miss my precious husband, but i will now have the tools, the hope and strength, to get through it.

one thing that i'm seeing: through all of the separations from justin, i am going to be a much better person, mother, wife, and friend if i just go straight to god and ask for his help. if i ask him to fill that empty spot in my heart, i will be so much happier! all i have to do is ask. then trust. i've been trying to get better at that. some days the only prayer i can muster up the energy to mutter is "help me! i can't get through this day without you." and he does. he always, always gives me what i need for that day. whether it is energy, a break from being a mom, new attitudes for the girls or for myself, some time with friends, sunshine so we can get outside. he has provided it all, and will continue to do so. because he is faithful. and i am so glad :)

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