Friday, December 14, 2012

silent night

sometimes i just feel like being quiet. i don't feel like talking or laughing. just being silent. i don't talk a lot as it is, but when these moods strike i prefer to just be alone...or to listen to others. or to listen to God. sometimes i think he wants us to feel this way; so that we will just listen to him; bask in his presence; feel him. he wants us to feel his love.

today i felt like being quiet. i have been feeling sad and heavy and drained, so today i felt like just sitting and being silent and still. thankfully a sweet friend offered to keep the girls today, so i was able to treat myself to a pedicure. i sat in that massage chair and got my feet worked on while listening to asian chatter. and i didn't have to say a word. i didn't have to make small talk. i wasn't asked how i'm doing. no one asked me to do anything for them. it was lovely. it was perfect. it was definitely therapeutic.

when i heard the news of the school shooting in connecticut today, it just broke my heart. and my heart breaks still. for the families who are spending this holiday season in shock, grief, and devastation. for the gifts under the trees that will never be unwrapped. for the homes that are now void of childlike laughter and chatter. i cannot bear the thought... it makes me cry. my heart is so heavy and grieved for these families.

but also for the precious children who experienced such trauma in a time that is supposed to be filled with joy and awe. they went into that school innocent precious children. they came out scarred, frightened, traumatized. their innocence was stripped away from them today. they were subjected to images, sounds, and emotions that a child cannot possibly comprehend. it's just not fair. they're children. they should have had to witness no such thing. no one ever should. my heart breaks for them as they face difficult days ahead.

i can't imagine. i have no words.

the only thing i know to do is pray. i am so thankful that God is merciful. he is the peace giver, the heart mender. he knows what those families are feeling, and he's there to guide them through this impossible time of their lives. he's the only one who can. i pray that they all turn to him for guidance. i pray that somehow they find peace. i pray that he will hear their hearts when they seem to have no words.. i pray that they will feel his love.

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