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Sunday, October 28, 2012

God, help!

I just had some really great time with God in my living room. I am so thankful for Jesus' sacrifice, so that we can come to God in all of our mess any time and any place we want. How awesome is that?! We don't have to make an appointment, we don't have to do anything. Just call out and He's there waiting. That makes me feel SO good!

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16

I have certainly been coming boldly to the throne of grace this week; repeatedly. I have called on God so much these last seven days. I have come to him a teary, snotty, emotional mess because I can. Because I need to. I need Him. I have no idea how people live this military lifestyle without Him. I wouldn't even want to try.

Justin being gone so much gives me a unique opportunity to grow closer to my Creator. I tend to come to Him more when I am in need of something; encouragement, energy, joy, you name it. When Justin is gone I need all of the above, and then some. Many times during the day when the girls are giving me trouble or my loneliness overcomes me or I feel my temper flaring up, all I can say is "God, help me! I need Your help right now! I can't do this by myself!" What usually happens is things don't get easier; I just get better at handling them.

There is a quote from my favorite movie
Anne of Green Gables, which I love:
What we must bear in mind is that all these trials and tribulations that pop up in our lives, well, they serve a very useful purpose: they build character, as long as we can hold onto the lessons we've learned from our mistakes. 
I know that God knew I'd be living a military lifestyle before I was even born. I think the fact that my birthday is on Veteran's Day is just a humorous nod to that fact. I know that this is where I'm supposed to be. And so in the midst of these separations from my husband, these times that are really really hard for me, I try to see the bigger picture. I try to remember that all of this adversity is just a chance for me to grow as a woman, mother, wife, friend. All of this is working together to form me into a woman of character, strength, and dignity, if I let it.

I have been praying for God to give me a new perspective on all this, because I really have been struggling for a time now. It's been all I can do just to get through each day. I find myself constantly looking at the clock and the calendar, wishing time away so that my husband can be at my side again. But this is no good. I am to cherish the time that I have, because it goes all too quickly. I need to find joy in my sweet girls, even when other areas of life aren't how I'd wish them to be. And so this is what I'm working on. I'm practicing, learning, growing. Trying to truly live one day at a time and be grateful for what I have, rather than hateful over what I don't have. It's not a lesson I'll learn in one day; it's something that I certainly will have to work at. I'm thankful that I have a patient God ;)

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