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Thursday, July 26, 2012

Can I just have my body back please?

I have been working my butt off. Literally. Losing the baby weight has been SO much harder this time than it was with Avery! I always heard that it probably would be, but refused to accept it.

While I was pregnant I ran until I was 5 1/2 months. After that I got an elliptical, which I used 3 or 4 times a week, and used maternity pilates dvds. I felt pretty good and looked pretty good. Now I am walking around 2 1/2 months post partum looking like I'm still 3 months pregnant and holding onto 7-8 extra pounds of weight, all while nursing (which burns up to 600 calories a day!) and working out/running 2-3 times a day AND trying to eat mindfully. What gives?!

I feel like with all I've been doing, the weight should be falling off. But it's not :( I know it's only been 2 1/2 months, I should give myself some time, blah blah blah.. But I am just so impatient. And with Avery, it didn't take nearly this long. I'm ready to have my body back! I could understand it if I hadn't been doing anything, but I have. I have been doing a lot.  I just want to feel confident again and not have to worry about the shirt that I'm wearing making me look fat. I want to wear a bikini again to the beach.

I think part of the pressure to look good comes from our society. The media and our culture tells us that we have to look a certain way in order to be beautiful. Part of my insecurity comes from the fact that I am a woman; we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. And then another part comes from the fact that my husband is a badas*. I have to keep up with him, or at least try to...that's what I tell myself anyways.

I am hopeful that eventually I will be satisfied with the way that I look. I enjoy working out, I really do. As long as I enjoy it, I will keep at it as much as possible. Working out has been my drug for the last 4 years, ever since I had Avery. It boosts my mood and makes me feel accomplished at the end of the day. I like being healthy and feeling good. I like seeing my body change, even if it is a slow process. I enjoy pushing myself to the limit to see how far my body can go. I guess that's one reason I've decided to run a half marathon in the fall. Or maybe it's because I'm crazy. But mostly I think it's because my husband has done SO much for me to be proud of...now I want to do something to make him, and everyone else, proud of me. My turn to shine!

So I will work as hard as I have to in order to cross that finish line. I don't care about my times or placement. I just want to finish knowing that I did my very best and pushed my body as hard as it could go. No regrets.





Friday, July 20, 2012

Summer love

I don't want the summer to end! We have been having so much fun together, going to the pool and the beach, going on hikes, and just spending time together as a family. This summer we welcomed our new baby girl, and have had/will have family coming to visit us. Summer means warmer temperatures, even more time spent outdoors (if possible), suntans, water and fun. Justin has had awesome hours the last several months, coming home from work by 2:30 every single day. That never happens!!

But the main reason I do not want summer to end: once autumn is arriving, my husband will be leaving :( He'll be gone tons, training...always training. And I'd feel alright about it, except after all the training, he'll be deploying. Ew. The only thing worse than him being gone training is him deploying..

Justin has been home so much the last 10 months or so. I have loved every minute of it! I have even loved our spats, because I'd rather fight with him than have him gone. Avery has spent a lot of time with him, with me being pregnant and then having a new baby. Ave and Justin have gone on so many dates together. She's become accustomed to having him around every day, to him being here at night to tuck her in and home on weekends to be with us. I think when he leaves this time, it will be harder than it has ever been for Avery.. And for me; I have never been alone with the two girls before! It's always just been me and Ave.

I'm nervous. Not only has Avery become accustomed to having Justin around, but so have I. I've seen him every day for the last ten months! I've cooked for him, watched movies with him, cuddled on the couch with him. I've had his help. I've had kisses and hugs and time. My soulmate has been with me steadily for so long. I've forgotten what it's like to say goodbye, truly. I've forgotten what it's like to be alone, to do everything myself and be independant. I've forgotten what it's like to miss him..to long for his kiss and his touch. He sleeps beside me every night. I can reach over and touch him whenever I like. I love having him around. With Justin home, our family is complete; life is good.

And when the summer ends, our lives will have a change in seasons also. I just hope we are ready...





Friday, July 13, 2012

Navy Wife Life: slow down, mom!

Navy Wife Life: slow down, mom!: there is just something about babies. everyone loves them. even little kids love them. (i know this because Ave ADORES her little sister. an...

slow down, mom!

there is just something about babies. everyone loves them. even little kids love them. (i know this because Ave ADORES her little sister. and, when i was little my siblings and i used to fight over who got to hold the new baby). the roughest, toughest men turn to mush when they see a sweet little baby (maybe not on the outside, but on the inside they're melting). maybe it's the chubby belly, dimply legs and knuckles, or double chins. maybe it is the sweet little toothless grin. maybe it's the little coo's and gurgles. maybe it's the bald little head, the teeny fingers and toes. babies are just adorable and precious, we all know that. maybe it is their sweet innocence and purity that turns us to mush. maybe it's the fact that they are completely vulnerable and at our mercy. we feel that we must protect them and shelter them, and lavish them with love.

i don't know about you, but babies make me cry. i know this probably sounds weird, but bear with me... when i see a baby, tears usually come into my eyes and i don't know why. but i think it's because they are just so precious and perfect, and untainted...and i know it won't last forever. i know that baby will grow up so quickly and will become corrupted by our perverted world; after all, as humans, we do have a sinful nature. 

my Brooklynn is changing every day. she has grown so much! i am trying to take time during the day to stop cleaning or watching tv or checking my phone so that i can just sit and hold her and look into her sweet little eyes. there is nothing more precious. that is what life is all about. i am trying to take it all in!

i love my girls, so much. it is all-consuming and almost suffocating. they are my reasons to live. they are mine. and i know that they will only be mine for a short time, a very short time. a friend recently pointed out to me that for the majority of our children's lives, they are adults doing their own thing, making their own way. my girls will only live under my roof for a short time. Avery will not always let me read stories to her, she won't always enjoy spending time with me, i won't always be her best friend (*tear* this thought makes me SO sad). i won't always get to spend every day with my girls, i am slowly losing control over their tiny lives with every day that passes. and so i need to slow down and enjoy. i need to prioritize my days. it's ok if it takes me 3 days to watch a 40-minute tv show (which has happened before) or if i don't get in my daily workout (chasing Avery around is a more memorable workout anyway) or if i don't get to finish reading a book until my kids are all out of the house. i need to make time to play with my precious kids, to learn with them and invest in their little lives. with the busy pace of our society, it can be difficult to be in the moment. too often i go to bed at night dissatisfied with the course of our day; i spent too much time doing my own thing while Ave did her own thing :/ i don't like that. i want to make sure every single day is filled with memory-making. it takes such an effort! i'm trying to be better! because i want my kids to feel loved and happy and fulfilled; it's up to me to make them feel that way :)

Sunday, July 1, 2012

sunday funday

We had a fun summer day today! Avery and I made some "cloud dough," I found this brilliant idea on the internet. The recipe calls for 8 cups of flour and 1 cup of baby oil, but I cut it in half. Basically when you run your fingers through it, the dough feels just like flour...but it's moldable--really cool! I had as much fun with this stuff as Ave did :)






After our cloud dough fun, we went on a hike together and played at the park :)





Lots more fun adventures for us this week--Justin has the entire week off with us! what a treat!!