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Friday, May 6, 2011

life of love

Usually when my husband leaves me I am overcome with all sorts of emotions; dread, anxiety, depression. But this time feels different. I don't feel any of those things, only sadness and exhaustion. I'm not sure why this change has occurred, maybe I am getting used to the goodbyes? Or maybe my heart is just too tired to feel so much pain so frequently. Maybe my heart is trying to protect itself by masking all of those horrible emotions with exhaustion.

I do miss my husband, though. My eyes are tired from crying for his absence. My heart feels sad and lonely, and I would give anything to give him a hug. When he is here, the best part of my day is when he walks through the door; I look forward to it all day long! When he is away, I feel like I don't have anything to look forward to. My sweet man is nowhere to be found. My heart says, this life is too hard. The goodbyes, the separations, the absence of my soul mate time and time again.

But my head is telling me that I don't really have it that bad. My husband will be back. In four short weeks, he will be back in my arms. I know that he is safe, I know that he is looked after. He has a great job that he loves, and he provides for our family. When my heart feels too overwhelmed, too empty, too alone, my head rushes to its aid. My head picks my heart off the floor and dusts it off. My head reminds my heart how very blessed I am. I have a love that very few people get to experience in their lives. I have a husband who is worth waiting for. I have a stable, good man who is my best friend ever. I have a gift, a love that is so special. And if I have to go for months at a time alone, at least it is worth it. At least I have a life full of love.

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