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Sunday, February 27, 2011

the pain of loving you

I have been thinking a lot about my marriage recently. My relationship with my husband has changed so drastically over the last year. We have been through so much! He joined the military which has been hard, but also a huge blessing. I believe the Navy saved our marriage in a sense. Our entire first year of marriage was a big struggle for me. We had a lot of fights that resulted in me packing my bags and heading to my mother's. We were completely reliant on other people. We lived with his mother and grandmother. Neither of us had very much direction and we both felt like we had no purpose in life. I was not happy, and I know he wasn't either.

Now, my husband has a great job that he truly enjoys. He is providing for his family which makes him feel fulfilled and important. We live on our own, pay our own bills, raise our daughter on our own. We make our own decisions. We are now functioning parts of society! We are grown ups! We are independent. Being so far away from the rest of our family has also strengthened our marriage because we are all each other has. We have to rely only on each other now. We are finally our own little family.

The journey we have embarked on for the last year, and are still on now, has bonded us together like nothing else could have. I have watched my husband grow and change in such positive ways. I have supported him. I have given up things for him. I moved across the country for him. We are a team, we work together and we need each other. I have been separated from him, and realized how very in love I am with him.

The absence from my husband is very difficult, naturally. I believe that marriage is, or should be, a very important and strong relationship. I believe that when a man and woman get married, God joins you together and creates a bond that can never completely be broken. The separations of course are difficult, but I am grateful for them. Grateful because when I am apart from him, I'm painfully aware of how much I love this man and need him in my life. Even though my heart feels like it is broken while my husband is away, I know that the pain is there because I love him. Therefore, I am grateful for the pain. I try to embrace it. If I did not hurt when we are not together, then I would be worried.

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