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Saturday, January 15, 2011

Shift of control

The stress factor of this lifestyle is very, very high. Throughout my husband's training every single day is just a big question mark. Will he continue on, be rolled back to another class, or even dropped from the program altogether? It is a lot of pressure on him, and on us as a family. It seems as though the test he has to pass this week will determine our future. But is our future really dependent on the passing of one single test? Is our future really that unknown and insecure? I think not.

I have to remind myself (daily) that God is in control of it all. If He wants my husband to succeed and make it through this training, then he'll make it. If He has another plan for us, then that too will be revealed in due time. Although our future seems to hang in the balance, it really is all planned out for us. This whole situation has gotten me thinking and made me realize that we have a choice here: we can worry ourselves to death (literally) and wonder what will become of us; or we can relax and trust in the plan that God has for us. We can plan the future that our flesh wants, which will surely lead to disappointment anyways; after all, does anyone's life ever go according to plan? But He doesn't need our help. He just wants us to loosen our grip on our big plans and tighten our grip on His big hands! And then I had another thought: the decision to trust Him, really trust Him and His plans, is not one that you make just once; it is a daily, if not hourly, choice that must be consciously made and lived out. This year, I want to hand over the reigns and just let my Father deal with it all :)

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