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Sunday, October 3, 2010

happy birthday?

I have been a walking ball of emotion the last few weeks as I have planned my daughter's second birthday party. I didn't want to have a party at all because I knew my husband wouldn't be here to enjoy it with us. Last night I had somewhat of a melt down as I thought more and more about the special moments that the Navy has stolen away from us. I woke up this morning with swollen eyes, a heavy heart, but a steel resolve to give my daughter a happy birthday. I have been walking through a fog all day, feeling sad and disappointed..

During my daughter's party I was sitting alone and my husband texted asking about the party and wishing he could be there. I fought to maintain my composure but I admit there were a few tears. I am of course thankful for my daughter, I would be lost without her! I thank God for giving her to me two years ago today. I just wish her daddy had been here to celebrate with us. It just hurts my heart because I know he hates missing out on these precious moments. As much as the Navy has given to us, it has also taken a lot.

I try to focus on the positive, but sometimes I fail. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me. It is a daily struggle to hand everything over to God, make myself stop stressing and wishing the days away. It is a constant battle to live in the moment and enjoy each day to its fullest. But I try. My God, how I try...

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