Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
I think tonight I shall go back to May and relive that wonderful day when I got to watch my husband graduate from boot camp. The ceremony itself was glorious, the military is like its own private, respected, disciplined world. The music & the colorful flags were my daughter's favorite part. Then there was the moment when my husband & his class finally marched into the auditorium & took their places. The anxiety & excitement beforehand led to me getting hives haha, I just could not wait to see my precious husband after two months of little communication!!
When I spotted him and our eyes met, words cannot describe that moment. I've heard in romance novels before that you lock eyes with your lover and the whole world disappears, no one else exists, time stands still. That's how it was at that moment. My husband was all I could see, nothing else mattered. And those few seconds felt like hours. With our eyes, we shared with one another all the pain the previous months had held and all the joy that day possessed. With our eyes in that special moment, we gave each other strength & love!
I carry that moment with me in my heart & I know that I will forever. I know that in times of sadness and loneliness, longing for my husband during long separations due to deployment...I will reach into the recesses of my heart and pull out that special moment. I will relive it, drawing comfort & love from the memory.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
I have been a walking ball of emotion the last few weeks as I have planned my daughter's second birthday party. I didn't want to have a party at all because I knew my husband wouldn't be here to enjoy it with us. Last night I had somewhat of a melt down as I thought more and more about the special moments that the Navy has stolen away from us. I woke up this morning with swollen eyes, a heavy heart, but a steel resolve to give my daughter a happy birthday. I have been walking through a fog all day, feeling sad and disappointed..
During my daughter's party I was sitting alone and my husband texted asking about the party and wishing he could be there. I fought to maintain my composure but I admit there were a few tears. I am of course thankful for my daughter, I would be lost without her! I thank God for giving her to me two years ago today. I just wish her daddy had been here to celebrate with us. It just hurts my heart because I know he hates missing out on these precious moments. As much as the Navy has given to us, it has also taken a lot.
I try to focus on the positive, but sometimes I fail. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me. It is a daily struggle to hand everything over to God, make myself stop stressing and wishing the days away. It is a constant battle to live in the moment and enjoy each day to its fullest. But I try. My God, how I try...