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Friday, September 3, 2010

so long, my sailor

Life as a military wife definitely has it's rough spots. Constant packing and moving, lonely nights, sadness and sometimes depression. But the hardest of all these difficulties for me would be the goodbyes. I absolutely hate the goodbyes. =( Once you get past that part you start to adjust to being without your spouse, you get into some kind of routine and it gets a little easier every day. But the goodbye and parting ways is definitely the hardest.

I cannot stand to watch my husband say goodbye to our baby girl. It brings tears to my eyes every single time. This last time we parted ways, I had to walk outside...I just can't do it! I remember before he left for boot camp in the spring, one night I found him sitting on our bed flipping through Avery's baby book. Until then I had stayed strong and hadn't shed a single tear. But in that moment all the tears I'd been holding back just came spilling out! Seeing him sitting there holding that book with tears rolling down his face was like a knife being stabbed into my heart. I just hate for him to feel like he's missing out on her life. And I know that she misses her daddy while he is away. It's just hard all around.

My husband and I both hate goodbyes, so usually ours are very fast. We just like to get it over with, kind of like ripping off a bandaid so it won't hurt as badly. There are always tears from both parties but I always try to save most of mine for after he has left. I don't like him to see me upset, I want him to see me as a strong, brave woman he can count on. The most difficult part of this moment is watching him walk away...that always, always breaks my heart. I just want so badly to reach out and pull him back to me. But I can't, and I won't. I will just watch him leave, say a prayer, and look forward to our reunion.

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