Sunday, July 18, 2010

times that try the soul..

Another weekend gone, what a shame =( They just go too fast!!

That being said, I have only two more weekends left with my hubby. I know I shouldn't count down, only treasure the moments that we do have but I can't help it. That's just how I work. I feel like I am always counting down to something or counting up to something...or dreading something. That's one emotion that will wear you thin, dread. I dread leaving my husband, I know that our daughter and I will miss him terribly. Thinking about the lonely nights, long empty days and yearning for a hug from the love of my just makes me cry. A phone call in the evenings simply isn't good enough. I feel like your subconscious affects you more than you'd like to admit. These feelings of dread and sadness and even anxiety to get our departure and tearful goodbyes over with...these feelings affect me daily. In little ways, like irritability. Snapping at my hubby and daughter for no reason. Trying to harden my heart against him so that it cannot be broken. I guess all of these things are my subconscious ways of protecting myself. Funny how we work against ourselves sometimes..

At times I get mad at the Navy for taking my husband from me. Because they have taken him, he's not mine anymore but theirs. Property of the United States of America. Oh I am proud of him and what he is doing, but that's besides the point. I miss the days when I fell asleep beside of my hubby every night and woke to see his face first thing every morning. That's what the Navy has taken from me. Sweet moments that I can never get back.

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