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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

so weary...

Well, I am blogging right now because I can't go to sleep. This is getting a little ridiculous. I never used to have trouble sleeping! And now it's like my brain is so full of things I have to do, blah blah blah...that I can't stop thinking long enough to fall asleep! Even though I am so exhausted. Right now I am really sad...all the time lately. I just dread having to say goodbye to my husband. I try to be positive and look forward but UGH! People can't be positive all the time!

I just think about what our month or so apart will be like. Yea my nights are lonely now but at least I have the promise of seeing him tomorrow. When I leave here, I won't have that anymore. All I'll have is a daily phone conversation...I don't even like talking on the phone. And I know Avery is going to ask for her daddy every single day, many times a day. She gets worried every time he leaves her sight, I can tell she's afraid we will be separated from him again. And we will, many many times in the years to come. But she doesn't know that. She is just so happy when the three of us are together. She will touch each of us and say "Mommy, Daddy" so sweetly...and get the biggest grin on her pretty little face. I know she's young and kids are super resilient & forgiving. But what about me? She bounces back much faster than I do. She doesn't have the stresses that I do, the responsibilities and the concerns. She doesn't feel the depression, the loneliness that creeps in to take my husband's place. Oh what I would give to switch places with her sometimes. To be the carefree, happy child.

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